This is a question I have been asked often. And for me it brings up another important question: Does pain and sadness do anything at all to relieve another person’s pain and suffering? I meet a lot of people who seem to believe it does. Yet I also see a world that is filled with people suffering and in pain. Does being sad yourself really help at all, or does it just contribute more sadness and pain to the world?
You’ve probably heard the expression “misery loves company”, which means that sad or suffering people are usually quite eager to share their pain and suffering with others. If this provides any relief, I suspect it’s only because the mind gets what it wants. The mind gets validation for its suffering by spreading it on to another, which doesn’t really relieve the suffering at all; it strengthens the patterns of suffering and gives it power over you.
If you want to help bring another person out of their suffering, one of the first things to realize is that it’s not your choice to make. You cannot make the decision to let go of misery for another person, the choice is ultimately up to them. If they don’t want to let go of the pain, you can’t make them. And trying to do so is very likely to just create frustration and suffering for you. Trying to force another person to do or to feel something is controlling them. And that’s probably not going to end well.
What you can do is offer your love and support. You can observe the suffering and pain without taking it on yourself. This is one of the tricks to being a happy Empath. By feeling what’s going on with another person, and not taking on something that does not belong to you, you can be a source of positive energy in their life. You could be that someone who is always there to help lift them up and out of their pain and suffering. This is far more helpful than taking on the suffering and feeling its pain. Feeling the pain would only add more suffering to a world that already has far more than it needs. By Observing, Loving and Holding Compassion you can be a powerful source of support and healing.
Berena Wise